No Filter

I have roamed unshod

Been pierced by thorns, discolored by earth, caressed by grasses, cleansed by seas

 

I have striven with ungloved hands

Had dirt under my nails, gotten stings on my fingers, found stains on my skin, grown callouses on my knuckles, developed blisters on my palms, stroked the soft plush of a pet, accepted firm friendly handshakes, received affectionate squeezes, and massaged away another's pain

 

I have listened without mufflers and heard not just with my ears but with my mind and my heart

Lively lies, vicious deceit, biting truths, baiting remarks, and precious honesty

I have witnessed firsthand, not just through a picture, a screen, or a canvas

Ugliness I wish to forget and loveliness I hope I never do, and I've tried to learn from both

I have steeped in emotion, no numbing agent to take the edge off

Despair, desperation, misery, helplessness, hopelessness, wonder, bliss, elation, and everything in between, and survived it because I allowed it

 

I have loved without refrain in proximity and at distance

From time to time having my devotion requited, more often not, occasionally even unrecognized, until my heart was overfilled, or was shredded and left to bleed

I have balanced my right to expression

With my responsibility toward propriety, and articulated what was necessary even when unpopular

I have breathed the open air, no veil

Inhaled offensive stench, engaging aroma, airborne illness, and fresh healing breezes

 

I have fallen ill, and convalesced

Not always the same in the afterward but ready to embrace who and what I am now

I have bestowed all I had to offer

To worthy, to undeserving, to grateful, to thankless, to unaware

I have my hands wide open

Ready to give, prepared to receive

 

I have no fear

Strong enough to stop me because I choose courage whether I feel it or not

I have every intention to continue in truth to myself

Which means being true to the world as well, and wanting the same for and from you, my living out of the golden rule

I have friends who would attest to my honor

And enemies who tell an opposite story but I forgive them, and I forget them

I have no regrets

I offer no explanation, I make no apology

 

I have more to live, but if I die tonight, when God asks me, "What did you do with the life I gave you?"

I can answer

 

I lived it.

Little Boy

A little boy
A little shy
The sweetest little smile
I saw you trying not to cry
Tangled up inside my heart
You have my mind all torn apart
What can I do
About you
Little boy next door

A day, a week
A month, a year
The shouting carries on
I wish you didn't have to hear
Tangled up inside my mind
My heart just can't leave you behind
What could I do
To help you
Little boy next door

I have my own
And you're not mine
The neighbors all tell me
That everything will turn out fine
Tangled up inside my head
My thoughts all turn to you instead
What should I do
About you
Little boy next door

So no one helps
They look away
But I can not forget
I'll love you till my dying day
Tangled up inside my soul
The circumstance beyond control
What will I do
Just for you
Little boy next door

Soldier On

Demon whispers from the dark
Regret and guilt and shame
History murky and stark
Battles lost and battles won
Right or wrong or all a game
Every soldier someone's son
But no one has a name

Hisses from the shadow
Confusion from the deep
No hope for tomorrow
Nothing to live for
No tears left to weep
No reason to keep score
No promises to keep

Could there be some hope ahead
Beyond is there a light
Will a peace displace the dread
Keep the faith and soldier on
Watch the sun chase back the night
Let the past be done and gone
And don't give up the fight

Unforgotten

Dear sister, we posed for a family portrait today.  You were missing from it.
Dear sister, everything comes in even numbered packages.  We always have an extra because without you we are odd.
Dear sister, a dear friend stood as my maid of honor today.  That place was yours.
Dear sister, you are an aunt!  If you were here, you would be rocking this baby.
Dear sister, I called my best friend after a tough day at work.  I would have called you, too.
Dear sister, our grandmother left here to meet you today.  I'll miss her like crazy, but what fun you two will have!
Dear sister, would you believe three women at once styled my hair for our brother's wedding?  The salon chair beside me sat empty.
Dear sister, my daughters were fighting today over the bedroom they share.  You and I might have done that.
Dear sister, sometimes I feel frustrated and discouraged.  I fight because I have the chances you did not.
Dear sister, I found a child whose household is separated.  I fill in the blanks as best I can, because I know the empty places when family is sundered.
Dear sister, I ran into an impossible situation and was unsure whether to act.  I made a difficult judgment call because you could not, but I could.
Dear sister, another birthday is coming.  You did not live long enough to have a birthday, but I remember you.

Reclaimed

A treasure fell into the dusty sand
Passersby called it a shame
Rainstorms washed the treasure
Sunlight made it shine
Onlookers admired the treasure
And lamented at the waste
Of a treasure glistening by the wayside
Until one stopped to pick it up
But the treasure was too great
For one alone to lift
Many were called
Few answered
But those were enough
To carry the treasure
From the trench
To a place of honor where it belonged
All became richer for the redeemed treasure
But none so rich as those who claimed it

Eye of the Beholder

I crafted my words carefully
A mural for the mind
My own stained-glass depiction
A creation I designed
Some saw style, grace, and charm
Some saw deformity
I marveled at the different view
Each spectator would see
This outcome I did not expect
The prose that was my art
Was not a window to my soul
It was a mirror to your heart

My Child

Sunrise thought
Earliest message
Treasured gift
Best decision
Greatest investment
Precious reward
Happiest hours
Sweet reflection
Brilliant gaze
Angel face
Cheek I kiss
Scent I know
Hand I hold
Finest sight
Flavor of life
Pulse of my soul
Front in my mind
Hope for what comes
Alive in my heart
Call I answer
Favorite sound
Wishes for you
Reason for me
Tremendous adventure
Keep you forever
Sunset memory
Theme of my dreams